You Have Already Taken an Important First Step
Some people struggle with sexual thoughts and behaviors towards children. Are you someone who wants to stop but doesn't know how? At Stop It Now!® we understand the struggle. We are ready to help with confidential information and referrals. People who get specialized help can and do learn to control their behavior. No more secrets. No more lies.
Stop It Now! Minnesota provides online information and resources to adults concerned about their own or someone else's sexualized behaviors towards children.
I'm worried about an adult I care about.
Twelve Questions Only You Can Answer
If you are wondering about your own sexual thoughts and behaviors toward children, we encourage you to answer these questions honestly. They are designed to help you decide whether you may need help. For a tri-fold brochure that includes this self assessment plus information about how to find help, click here.
Answer YES or NO to the Following Questions
- Have you ever felt a sexual attraction to children or underage
teenagers (a boy or girl 17 years old or younger)?
- Have you kept secrets from others about your attractions to children or underage teens?
- Have you looked at or purchased pornography that showed children or underage teens?
- Have you ever secretly watched children or underage teens (window peeping or voyeurism) or exposed yourself (exhibitionism) to children or underage teens?
- Have you bought children or underage teens gifts, or given them money, in order to get them to trust you and like you so you can touch them sexually, or get sexual good feelings from them?
- Have you shown pornography (or material that is sexual in nature) to children or underage teens, or intentionally left it where they could find it?
- Have you ever told yourself "age is just a number" or "he/she is mature for his/her age" or something similar to make yourself feel better about your sexual thoughts or behaviors toward children or underage teens?
- Have you ever wanted to stop fantasizing about or touching children or underage teens in a sexual way, or looking at child pornography, but did it again?
- Do you find that romantic/sexual fantasies about, or sexual behavior toward, children or underage teens interfere with your relationships at home or work?
- Does your sexual attraction to children or underage teens conflict with your spiritual beliefs or moral values?
- Has your sexual attraction to children ever left you feeling
worried, frightened, ashamed, hopeless, different, alienated from others, or suicidal?
- Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you were not
sexually attracted to children or underage teens?
Did you answer YES to more than one question? If so, we encourage you to call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline for more information. Our Helpline is available Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. People who understand are waiting to help.
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How Can I Find Confidential Help?
If you are concerned about your sexualized thoughts or behaviors towards children, call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL Helpline: 1-888-773-8368. Helpline hours are Monday - Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. Calls are answered by understanding people who will listen, discuss your options for getting help, and provide you with referrals to local resources.
If you are thinking about sexual interactions with a child, Helpline staff will assist you in finding the help you need to keep yourself and children safe.
If you have already sexually abused a child or if you are unsure about whether what you have done is illegal, Helpline staff will help you learn about kinds of treatment and help available and how to access it.
If you are in the state of Minnesota, the Helpline staff can provide you with a referral for a confidential conversation with a treatment provider. This is a chance to learn about treatment and what your most effective options might be. This consultation is a unique opportunity for you to maintain confidentiality while still being able to speak with a therapist and/or a lawyer. This way you can gather information about possibly coming forward for help and learn how the criminal justice system may respond. In order to remain anonymous, the Helpline staff will give you a confidential ID number to use instead of your name when scheduling this appointment. You can have the consultation over the telephone and/or you can schedule an in-person meeting. With the confidential ID, you may choose to remain anonymous throughout this consultation.
You would qualify to take advantage of this opportunity for confidential consultation if you believe you are at-risk to sexually abuse a child, if you have already abused a child, or if you are unsure if what you have done is legally considered abuse. You can find out more about this program by contacting the Stop It Now! Helpline at 1.888.PREVENT.
You may decide to enter a treatment program at any time (before, during, or after this consultation). To enter treatment, you must identify yourself to the treatment provider.
What Might Happen to Me?
Sometimes people who have been sexual with children are afraid to reach out for help because they don't know what the consequences may be. Helpline staff can provide referrals to attorneys who are willing to give guidance about how the legal system has typically responded in similar cases. Based on this guidance, you can decide the best way to come forward and get help.
True Stories of Finding Help and Hope
Neil's Story
"Neil" wished someone could have held up a crystal ball and showed him he was about to lose the person most precious to him: his daughter.
I never thought I could ever talk to anyone about what I was doing— either the sexual abuse or the drugs. But when I finally opened up, I can't tell you how good it felt, and how important it is that I can live my life honestly now. I wish I could have looked in a crystal ball back then and seen that I would lose the most important thing in my life, my daughter. I think that would've woken me up and I would've stopped. Read more
Shawn's Story
"Shawn" wished he had known sooner that he had lied to himself for years. He thought he wasn't sexually assaulting children, but being affectionate.
For years I lied to myself, or deluded or deceived myself, that I was not sexually assaulting children. By holding them on my lap, by cuddling them, caressing them, snuggling with them, picking them up, I was being affectionate to them. One of my therapists said to me, "My understanding, Shawn, is you thought you were making love to them, or being loving to them." Read more
Brian's Story
When "Brian" turned himself in, he thought he'd lose everything—his wife, his job, his friends. Instead, he got into programs that helped him. He feels like a new man.
I wanted to stop being sexual with children but I didn't know how. Jail and court snapped me out it, and through treatment I learned to start reaching out to others for help. I had to change my life, and that's hard, but my spirituality is making that possible and my wife is standing by me. My conscience is free right now. I don't feel guilty like I used to. I feel like a new man. Read more
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Prevention Tips
If you're not sure exactly what child sexual abuse is, you're not alone. Child sexual abuse is sexual activity with a child by an adult, an adolescent or an older child. Link to Child Sexual Abuse Includes Touching and Non-Touching Behaviors (.pdf)
Can People Who Sexually Abuse Children Stop?
Yes! Treatment for sexual behavior problems is available and it works for people motivated to change. When people who sexually abuse children want to stop and get specialized treatment, they can change their abusing behavior and learn to live healthy, productive lives. When people with sexual behavior problems have the support and "tough love" of their friends and families, they are more likely to complete treatment and live productive, abuse free lives.
Do I Need Help if I Haven't Crossed that Line?
Many people wish they had sought help before they crossed the line and sexually abused a child. Through research we've learned that many adults who sexually abused a child wanted to stop but didn't know how. If you have sexually abused child, it is not too late to get help. If you haven't sexually abused a child but are concerned you might, ask for help now! For SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL help, call Stop It Now!'s 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline to talk with understanding people who can help.
I Have Sexual Fantasies about Children…
Many adults who sexually abused a child have told us that they initially had sexual fantasies about children. They said if only they cold have “fast forwarded” their life and seen the damage they would do to themselves and others that they would not have acted on their fantasies. Not everyone who has sexual thoughts about children will sexually touch a child but, you should seek help if you are having recurrent or disturbing sexual fantasies about children.
I'm Afraid I Might be Sexual with a Child…
There are fewer barriers to seeking help for sexual behavior concerns before you sexually abuse a child but it still takes guts to admit that you need help. If you are concerned about your sexual thoughts, attitudes, or behaviors towards children, contact Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline for referrals to professionals who can help you.
Can I Be Helped?
With specialized treatment, a person who accepts full accountability for his or her actions can learn to control his or her sexually abusive behavior. We can and should hold people accountable for living productive, abuse free lives.
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