We're Ready with Answers for Parents
Stop It Now!® Minnesota offers understanding, guidance and support to help parents concerned about their children's behavior, or the behavior of others towards their children. In addition to our educational materials, we provide training and educational workshops for professionals and groups of parents who want to learn more about what they can do to prevent the sexual abuse of children.
We have divided information for parents into four main topic areas:
I'm Worried About a Child's or Teen's Behavior
I'm Worried About Someone's Behavior Toward My Child or Teen
I Want to Keep My Family Safe
Talking To Kids
I'm Worried About a Child's or Teen's Behavior
How Can I Find Help?
If you are concerned about your child's behavior, call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline. Helpline hours are Monday - Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. Calls are answered by understanding people who can talk with you about your concerns, refer you to local resources, and help you decide on your next steps.
If you are afraid that your child may have been abused, here are some things to look for. Behavioral and Physical Warning Signs a Child May Have Been Abused (.pdf) Report anything you know or suspect is sexual abuse. Keeping abuse a secret is what adults who have sexually abused a child and adults who were abused as a child say allows it to continue, sometimes for generations. Research shows that well over half of people who sexually abuse children want to stop the behavior but don't know how, or where to turn for help.
Whether your child is abused or admits to sexually abusing another child, it is very important that you get help for your child. Experts and parents agree it is helpful to both the child and the parents to get outside help, even if your instincts are to "keep it within the family." Call your doctor, local child protective services, or local law enforcement agency to get help for your child. You can also call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline for confidential information and referrals.
Treatment for sexual behavior problems is available and it works for people motivated to change. When we confront sexualized behaviors toward children at the earliest stages, especially with children and teens, they are most likely to change and not abuse again.
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Support for Parents
Parents whose children have sexually abused other children report that the silence and isolation they felt was particularly difficult. Many times they were afraid to tell anyone and felt that no one would understand. They desperately wanted to know that they were not alone and they wanted a sense of hope—hope that life can get better. Stop It Now! created PARENTtalk, the first newsletter especially for parents of children with sexual behavior problems. To be added to the mailing list for PARENTtalk send an e-mail to stopitnowmn@projectpathfinder.org.
If you are the parent or caregiver of a child with sexual behavior concerns, you live in Minnesota, and you would like to learn about resources available to you, please call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline for referrals to resources available in your area.
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Understand Developmentally Expected Sexual Behavior
Sexual development is a part of every human regardless of age. To understand common and uncommon sexual behaviors in children see Healthy Sexual Development in Children (.pdf)
Sexual Abuse of Children by Children
The sexual abuse of children by other children is very real. Close to half of those who sexually abuse children are under the age of 18. Sometimes when we see sexual behaviors between children it's hard to tell whether it's abuse or innocent play. Some sexual activities are developmentally expected in children at certain ages. Other activities should send up red flags.
When deciding whether sexual behaviors between children are developmentally expected, consider:
- Size: Is one of the children/teens involved much larger than the other?
- Status: Does one of the children/teens have more power in the relationship—for example a babysitter, a club leader, the bully on the block?
- Ability: Does one of the children/teens have greater mental, emotional, or physical ability that the other? Is the possible victim disabled or developmentally slow?
- Power: Is one of the children/teens using threats, bribes, or physical force?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, the sexual activity may be abuse. If you have questions about what you are seeing or if you need support, please call our SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline.
It is not always easy to tell if a child is being sexually abused, especially if the person whose behavior concerns you is another child or teen. As you review this list, remember you are not on your own; you only need to decide that it would be helpful to have someone else look at what is going on. To learn more about what to watch for, download Sexual Behavior Warning Signs in Children or Adolescents (.pdf)
For more help in talking with your children about child sexual abuse download Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children? (.pdf)
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Recommended Reading For Parents:
Create a Family Safety Plan (.pdf)
The Building Blocks for a Family Safety Plan (.pdf)
Talking with Kids (.pdf)
Healthy Sexual Development in Children (.pdf)
Sexual Behavior Warning Signs in Children or Adolescents (.pdf)
Behavioral and Physical Warning Signs a Child May Have Been Abused (.pdf)
Child Sexual Abuse: Facts about Abuse and Those Who Might Commit It , a primer for adults (.pdf)
Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children (.pdf)
True Stories from Parents Who've Been There
Kay's Story
(Mother of an Adolescent with Sexual Behavior Problems)
Everyone knows that parenting a teenager is going to be difficult. But thank goodness few parents know the kind of awful night I had when my son was 14 and my neighbor called to tell me that “Jon” had sexually abused her child. Read more [link to story on national web site]
Max's Story
(Mother of Sexually Abusing Youth and Victim)
We are a blended family of seven. Both my husband and I share custody of our five children from previous marriages. More often than not, we have five independent, energetic, and lively kids running through the house. After a few years of this new marriage, things were going as smoothly as could be expected. The only child who seemed to be experiencing difficulty in adjusting to his new stepfamily was my middle son, Max.
Read more [link to story on national web site]
More Stories of Hope [link to stories on national web site]
To learn more about Minnesota State laws related to sexual conduct, click here.
I'm worried about someone's behavior toward my child or teen.
More information on keeping your family safe.
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