I'm Worried About Someone's Behavior
Toward My Child or Teen
You have come to the right place. We know it is not always easy to tell if a child is being sexually abused, so we have included information in this section about what to watch for, how to get help, and how to talk to someone whose behavior toward a child concerns you.
How Can I Find Help?
If you are concerned that someone may be acting in a sexual way towards your child, call Stop It Now!'s® SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline. Helpline hours are Monday - Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. Calls are answered by understanding people who can talk with you about what you're seeing and help you decide what steps to take.
If you know the person whose behavior concerns you, Stop It Now! can help you have a conversation with them. Many people with sexual behavior problems wish that someone had asked them what was going on or had told them where to go to get help. More than half said they wanted to stop but didn't know how. In addition to calling the helpline, Stop It Now! has a booklet Let's Talk: Adults Talking to Adults About Child Sexual Abuse (.pdf) which outlines a straightforward process for raising and discussing your concerns without making an accusation.
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The First Priority is Keeping Kids Safe.
Don't wait for proof to take action because if you have proof, it's too late, a child has already been harmed. As soon as you have concerns about an adult or older youth's behavior towards children, take action. One step is to ensure that the adult or older youth and the child are never alone together until the situation can be sorted out. For more specific strategies to keep kids safe, call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline.
Can People Who Sexually Abuse Children Stop?
Yes! When people who sexually abuse children want to stop and get specialized treatment, they can change their abusing behavior and learn to live healthy, productive lives. When people with sexual behavior problems have the support and "tough love" of their friends and families, they are more likely to complete treatment and live productive, abuse-free lives. When we confront sexualized behaviors towards children at the earliest stages, especially with children and teens, they are most likely to change and not abuse again.
How Do I Know What to Watch Out For?
There is no such thing as a foolproof warning sign but through our work with adults who have sexually abused a child, we have identified some Alert Signals that an Adult may have Sexual Behavior Problems (.pdf) as well as some tips on What to Watch Out for When Adults Or Youth are With Children (.pdf). We also need to be aware that older children and youth can sexually abuse other children. Sexual Behavior Warning Signs in Children or Adolescents (.pdf)
Often adults have a gut feeling about someone's behavior around children but they're afraid to say anything in case they're wrong. If we wait for proof that someone has acted in a sexual way towards a child, it is too late—a child has already been harmed. If you want help figuring out how to talk to someone you know about their behaviors around children, call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline or check out our booklet "Let's Talk: Adults Talking to Adults About Child Sexual Abuse." (.pdf)
Who Sexually Abuses Children?
While most adults know that children are most often abused by someone they know and often love, it is hard for us to make the leap from knowing this as a fact to believing that someone we know and often love could also act in a sexually inappropriate way towards a child. If we are going to prevent child sexual abuse before a child is harmed, we as adults need to be willing to entertain the idea that someone who is acting in a sexual way towards a child may be at risk to abuse a child and we need to learn how to speak up about our concerns as soon as we have them.
What If I'm Not Sure?
Most of us are only familiar with two courses of action when we're concerned about child sexual abuse: 1. Call the police or child protective services and 2. Teach our children about safety. The child protection and law enforcements systems respond appropriately after a child is harmed but are not set up to take preventive action. When adults learn what to watch out for and how to talk to someone whose behavior concerns them, we can play an important role in preventing child sexual abuse. How can we expect a six year old to stand up to an adult when we as adults find it hard to talk about this subject? We know that in 90% of child sexual abuse cases, the child is abused by someone they know and trust. How can we expect an 11-year-old girl to say no to her father and then tell another adult—when we as adults don't know how to say to a family member, "I have a bad feeling about things I am seeing and I am worried about everyone involved."?
If you have concerns about a friend or family member and their sexual feelings or behaviors toward a child, call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL 1.888.PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) Helpline or check out our booklet "Let's Talk: Adults Talking to Adults About Child Sexual Abuse." (.pdf)
It can be hard to tell the difference between someone who really enjoys children and someone who may have sexual motives for getting close to a child. If someone seems "too good to be true" ask more questions—this friend or family member may not be a safe person for your child. Unfortunately, unconditional trust cannot protect children from harm.
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Recommended Reading For Parents:
Healthy Sexual Development in Children (.pdf)
Behavioral and Physical Warning Signs a Child May Have Been Abused (.pdf)
Sexual Behavior Warning Signs in Children or Adolescents (.pdf)
Create a Family Safety Plan (.pdf)
The Building Blocks for a Family Safety Plan (.pdf)
Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children (.pdf)
Child Sexual Abuse: Facts about Abuse and Those who Might Commit It, a primer for adults (.pdf)
True Stories from those whose relatives have sexually abused a child
Ellen's Story
(Wife of a Recovering Sex Offender and Grandmother of Victims)
It’s been almost six years now since I found out my second husband, Roger had sexually abused my granddaughters. That is one day in my life that I will never forget. It felt as though the earth dropped out from under my feet.
Read more [link to story on national web site]
More Stories of Hope [link to stories on national web site]
I'm worried about a child or teen's behavior.
I'm worried about someone's behavior toward my child or teen.
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